your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize