If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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