i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
