cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
