He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
