I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
