since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
