So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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