Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
