Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
