Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
