I just pynch a tree in the face
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
