What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
