2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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