I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
