The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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