oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
