Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize