Rock
Scissors
Fuck
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
