you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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