I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
bring money and cleavage
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize