her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
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