They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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