Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
