i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
