Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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