Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
My pussy is not your playground.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
