Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We don't watch enough power rangers
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
