It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize