i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
