you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
