I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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