Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
