I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
