There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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