Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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