my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
