I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
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