Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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