There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
