Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
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