your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
