why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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