Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
