Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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