I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
