found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
