its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
