no, he came in my armpit
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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