thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
