do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
