I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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