we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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