There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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