Pappa wants mamma naked
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
