MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
