I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
