it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
