hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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