Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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