I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
