I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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