Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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