I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
